I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
