I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
