Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
false alarm, still single
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