I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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