Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
