Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
