Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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