No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
