he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
