I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
