school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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