Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
