I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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