Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize