omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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