Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
