I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
