Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
