i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We are two peas in an std pod
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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