then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
