What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
