people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
