I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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