So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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