Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
