I'm really into asian looking animals
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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