At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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