Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
