I look better un-naked...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
