Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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