Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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