Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
