he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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