my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Michael Bay diarrhea
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
