i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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