i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
