yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
