How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
