the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
