Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
