Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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