Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
