I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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