I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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