Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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