walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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