I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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