no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Girls should come with a carfax report
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
