i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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