thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
