Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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