Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
