So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Farmville is her only friend.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
