I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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