Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
