If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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