i don't like sucking hair
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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