well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
