sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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