I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
