Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
