im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
