apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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