I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
