She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
