i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
