I met the friendliest cop last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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