i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
