Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
