No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
