I murdered the dance floor call the cops
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
