He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
