I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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