I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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