he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
