I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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