when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
