im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
