we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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