Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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